


The Jedi Killer

by Enscora



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is a Mess, Moral Ambiguity, Mutual Pining, Nurses & Nursing, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Snoke Being a Dick, Submissive Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23699716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enscora/pseuds/Enscora
Summary: Reader is (yet again) a nurse, under the employ of the first order. The story kicks off after the destruction of Starkiller Base and the events of The Force Awakens. Reader is part of the team who is tasked with patching up Kylo Ren after his duel with Rey in the forest. The story follows their awkward interactions and force-bond shenanigans.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	1. The Fall of Starkiller Base

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this story for a while and figured I might as well post a chapter or two, see if anyone likes it. As always any feedback would be appreciated.

She had been lucky to get aboard one of the last evacuation shuttles before the collapse of the planetary base. Amidst the smoke and chaos, she glimpsed a last look at the enormous forest that overwhelmed much of the planet. The trees and the frequent snow fall always meant that the base smelled pleasantly of mint. The girl was amongst many others who were observing the blast; frightened faces and hushed whispers were all that could be distinguished from the crowd. She wasn’t sure why she was choosing the think fondly of the base as she watched it crumble, the cold corridors and bland cafeteria food hadn’t exactly left her with fond memories. She had however found her purpose within those walls. 

Her mother’s warm face seeped into her thoughts and the smell of lavender overwhelmed her senses. She wouldn’t be happy knowing this was where her daughter had ended up after the exodus of their planet. Originally, she had wanted her girl to take after her, continue the family business and help as many people as she could. The girl frowned, technically she had kept to her wishes. The point of contention was the First Order. They were the darkness branching out across the galaxy, branding their version of peace into the foundations of dozens of civilisations and destroying those who would stand in their way. She glanced back out into the vastness of space and can’t help but silently praise the actions of the Rebellion. This was their first big victory in recent memory but she knew the retaliation would be fierce. The fleeting moment was gone then, the death toll would only continue to rise and it chilled her. 

A long, cold shiver crept its way down her back as her thoughts overwhelmed her. She backed away from the window and pushed her way through the crowd to a less densely packed area of the ship. She locked eyes with one of the senior medical officers and although she was typically friendly, refused to hold her gaze. Her opinions were much like her own, but it was a topic they only discussed once they were sure no one else could overhear. The girl inched her way over to the doctor, obvious questions brimming behind her eyes. In as quiet a voice she could manage, she whispered. 

“What’s troubling you, Veera?” The slender doctor seemed too tall for the ship, her posture deliberately hunched to prevent her braided bun from scraping off the ceiling of the shuttle. 

“Aside from the obvious?” Her amber eyes narrowed, a blonde brow raised in irritation. 

“I just don’t often see you looking this troubled is all…” The girl trailed off, noticing Vera’s data pad light up in her hands. She noticed the buzz from her own but doesn’t make a move to remove it from her tunic pocket just yet. 

She watched as the doctor initially skimmed then immediately backtrack over the message, taking in the information with more attentive eyes. They narrowed in confusion and then glistened with horror. Flashes of black and red illuminated the fair skin of her face before she noticed the girl staring intently. A weary sigh caused the doctor to slump further, a familiar glint of concern covering her eyes. 

“I’d check your alerts if I were you, it seems we both have a long night ahead of us…” She trailed off, returning her attention to her data pad. 

The girl hurriedly searched for her own device and couldn’t help but grimace at the notification. A message from General Hux rarely lead to anything good. She pressed her back to the wall and covered the pad from prying eyes upon noticing the confidentiality markers. This meant it was a patient brief and it was clearly someone of importance seeing as Hux sent the message personally. She continued to scroll down and now registered why Veera had looked so horrified. The Jedi Killer himself had fallen in battle, or at least that’s all that had been specified. 

Kylo Ren had always seemed like an unstoppable force to the girl, where it not for the various rumours attached to the name, his appearance alone was frightening enough. She had only glimpsed him in passing or occasionally at important events, but he always seemed to engulf every corridor in darkness as he stormed by, his dark robes swirling behind him everywhere he went. The girl shuddered at the thought of the force required to knock Kylo Ren on his ass, never mind incapacitate him. She returned to the message, mouth dropping open in shock at the pictures of his wounds. They’d been taken quickly but there was enough detail to make out the extent of the injuries. 

The girl was one of the more experienced nurses working under the instruction of Veera, this was why she had been sent the alert. She was part of her medical team and was going to be involved in the extensive process of stabilising Kylo Ren. Fixing him would come later. She noticed Veera taking extensive notes on her pad before turning back to her own. The man had been involved in some sort of duel she assumed. The picture of his face only revealed the right side, detailing the large laceration tearing into the flesh above his eyebrow and below his eye. She remarked to herself then how lucky he was that this person didn’t take out his eye as well. Surprisingly, she realised that the wounds appeared to be cauterised, no blood in sight, only the angry red flesh peeking through the separation in his skin. A laser sword had done this, nothing else could have burned the flesh to such a degree. The second wound however had been inflicted with some sort of gun. The flesh of his stomach looked almost churned up, twisted upon impact. Extensive bruising around the site also indicated that someone had repeatedly hit him where he’d been shot. 

“How did they get so close?” The girl wondered aloud, she received a cautionary glance from Veera but the doctor couldn't help but offer her theories. 

“I can only assume that whoever did this had the upper hand somehow, either that or he was injured prior to the confrontation...” The girl frowned but nodded in agreement, realising that this was why she was the nurse and Veera was the doctor. 

The shuttle shuddered to a halt which made the girl to jump, the sound of the ship decompressing as the doors opened made the girl realise just how nervous she was about assisting in this operation. Veera wrapped her in a tight embrace before ushering her forward, a reassuring smile cast in her direction before the pair of them left the shuttle. They were stopped abruptly by the presence of General Hux, his shock of red hair almost caught the girl by surprise. 

“Doctor, I trust that you have read the details of the task I’ve entrusted you with.” There was no question, the assumption that they had already briefed themselves being the only acceptable response. 

“Yes, myself and ___________ have briefly discussed the approach we’re going to take.” Veera appeared confident in dealing with Hux, the nurse on the other hand couldn’t bare the scrutiny of his gaze for more than a couple of seconds. 

“I trust you didn’t voice any unnecessary information while aboard that vessel, we can’t have this getting out to the masses.” Hux frowned, casting an accusatory glare towards the nurse. 

“Of course not, Sir.” Seeming either satisfied or under pressure to deliver the pair to the medical bay, he beckoned for the women to follow his lead. 

The nurse struggled to keep pace with the doctor and the general. Normally Veera would try and reduce the length of her stride to try and keep in pace with her but with Hux around she couldn’t afford the luxury. The girl was very small in stature but not in frame, her awkward proportions constantly causing her some type of grief. Once they arrived in the medical bay, the pair were handed over to the rest of the team and were sent to scrub up for the procedure. 

“Are you alright being my scrub nurse again or would you rather write up the procedure notes for me?” Veera asked hurriedly as she vigorously scrubbed her hands and arms. 

“I’ll scrub up… It’s not everyday you get to patch up one of the Knights of Ren.” The pair chuckled amongst themselves before shrugging into their sterile gowns. 

The nurse followed Veera, tugging on her second pair of latex gloves before taking her place next to Veera, she was seated behind the table occupied with the tray of sterile surgical equipment. She had been Veera’s scrub nurse many times before but this didn’t help her anxiety. If she were to get something wrong today, it wasn’t just embarrassment she’d have to worry about. 

The Commander was wheeled in then and the chaos began. His clothes had already been cut away and his irritated flesh was illuminated by the obnoxiously bright lights. The glare reminded the nurse to pull down her visor which offered some protection from the bulbs. Veera went to work, her hands working away at his body in an almost mechanical fashion- it was fascinating to watch her operate. When Veera asked for a new tool or solution, the nurse would comply. Everyone in the room seemed to work with a unique sense of urgency, every move precise and more observed then any operation the nurse had ever previously assisted in.

What felt like days later was when the operation finally concluded. The Jedi Killer's flesh was neatly grafted and sown closed. Beneath the surgical gowns, the nurse was absolutely drenched in sweat, the heat from the lights seemed to mimic that of the sun. She watched as he was wheeled off into recovery where he would be watched and monitored closely. Veera began peeling off the layers of fabric, tossing the blood-stained garments into the bin. The nurse followed suit, noticing the persistent musk of sweat that lingered on her body. 

“You did well in there, everyone did.” Veera chirped as she scrubbed her arms and hands once more, her eyes tried but content. 

“Do you think he’ll be in our case load or will he be passed on to the senior medical officer of this ship?” Veera paused in her actions, a frown present on her face once more. 

“Now that I think about it… Why didn’t they take charge of his care?” Veera finished cleansing her hands and dried them off.

“I’ve never been stationed on this vessel so I’m not even sure who that would be?” Veera was interrupted by another nurse who had assisted in the surgery. 

“I believe he perished on the planet, ma’am.” The pair were taken by surprise, the girl unable to hide her expression of sadness.

“He was initially supposed to perform the operation but we were informed he hadn’t made it onto an evacuation shuttle in time…” The nurse trailed off before excusing herself, her dark eyes gleamed with unspent tears. 

“I got so caught up in the procedure… I didn’t even think.” Veera sighed before heading out of the procedure room and into the main reception. General Hux was thanking each member of the team individually as they left.

“Marvellous work, doctor. I apologise for the sudden request but I’m very thankful you were ready and willing to help.” Veera graciously accepted his praise, fatigue beginning to pinch the features on her face.

“You as well. ___________, I believe?” The girl met his gaze and smiled politely. 

“Thank you, sir.” The nurse shifted a little on her feet, they had begun to ache from the trails of the day. Thankfully, Hux appeared to notice that the pair were about to collapse and allowed them to begin shuffling away. 

“One last thing before you retire, the acting medical officer of this vessel perished trying to escape the collapse of the planet… I will brief you both tomorrow prior to commencing your duties but I wanted to inform you personally that you will be taking over his position, understood?” The pair nodded, previous suspicions confirmed. 

Armoured soldiers stood waiting to escort them both to their chambers, Veera was taken to where the girl assumed senior officers were allocated. The girl was taken to a more residential looking sector and was given a pack before being left to her own devices in front of a black steel door. She thanked the soldier as she let herself into her room. It might as well have been the exact same layout as her previous room. It was small but she didn’t need much room to move around so she didn’t mind. She dropped the pack onto the neatly made bed and rushed into the shower.

Thoughts of Kylo Ren invaded her head once more, only this time it consisted of observations she’d noticed during the procedure. First of all, the full view of his face, despite being covered in dirt and blood, was surprising. She had not expected a young man with thick black hair and pouty lips that she’d kill to possess. Rumour predetermined that he should have been war torn and covered in hideous scars, the face of a monster would have validated the need for a mask. Instead he looked like an awkwardly tall and broad boy who’d stumbled into the wrong crowd at a bar and got his ass handed to him. The flesh she had seen was covered in freckles and beauty marks for goodness sake. Her perception of the masked tyrant had significantly changed and all she’d done had laid eyes on him. She absently scrubbed at her body, more conflicting opinions clashing in her mind. She had heard horrible stories about the things he had done. Did she believe all the rumours she heard? Of course not. However, the mask and robes had driven her to fear and avoid the man at all costs, regardless of what she had heard. Now the thought of nursing him back to health didn’t seem so daunting… He was just a man, with flesh that could rupture and tear like everybody else. Sure, he could wield a horrific looking laser sword and choke the life out of someone without touching them but when it came down to it, he was flesh and blood, just like everyone else.


	2. Horse Tranquilliser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren being a bit of a shit, you're welcome.

Settling into the routine of this new ship was not nearly as challenging as the nurse had originally thought. If she hadn’t seen their previous base explode, she’d have resumed her daily routine like nothing had changed. She knew this place was entirely different but everything about life here seemed like a carbon copy of her existence before. Not that she minded, the familiar was comfortable. The only challenge for her was the people. Not all of her friends had made it and sitting in the cafeteria during her breaks was a bitter reminder of that. 

She watched people go about their day, the hustle and bustle of the base being an effortless way to make the time go by. The nurse usually read or pressed flowers, both portable activities she enjoyed immensely. She’d only had time to grab a few things before she’d been ushered into the escape shuttle so in turn had been forced to leave those things behind. She had only managed to bring her box of essential oils. A dozen glass vials contained in a small wooden box, engraved with a depiction of the tree of life. It was her mother’s before it was her own, her only possession of sentimental value. As long as that was safe, she could make do with people watching until she could scrounge another book from somewhere. 

The quickest part of her day passed without much interest, she handed in her lunch tray and smiled kindly at the kitchen staff, who returned the gesture. Like it or not, a lot of the people employed by the First Order were just that, people. People trying to get by in a universe entangled by corruption. This, along with the fact that she was there to help people, made her exhaust specific efforts to be kind to everyone. Even if they didn’t deserve it. Which was why news of her new patient case load didn’t immediately make her nauseous. 

Veera stood at the communal nurse’s station, distributing various clipboards and charts to the flock of nurses huddled around her. The girl waited patiently, despite catching Veera’s eye, smothering a laugh when the doctor rolled her eyes slightly at the commotion. By the time the pair had a chance to share words, there was only one case load left. The rest had been allocated amongst the team in an even ratio. The girl eyed the bundle of papers and narrowed her eyes with suspicion. 

“Am I going to like what you have in store for me?” The slender doctor smiled as she placed the documents into the nurse’s arms. 

“I saved the best for last.” Wary of her friend’s devious expression, she glimpsed at the contents of the file and managed to restrain a sigh. 

“You know the case already and you posses the most skill with wound care, besides you saw the procedure in its entirety, so you don’t even need to read most of that file.” The girl quirked an eyebrow, bewilderment taking over her face for a brief moment.   
The nurse had never seen Veera justify her decision making before, usually because she knew what she was doing and was confident in her abilities however on this occasion there was a small apology written across her face. The girl reached out and took her hand, a warm smile illuminating her face. 

“Not necessary, Veera. I half expected this to be the outcome so don’t worry yourself.” The doctor smiled and let out a relieved sigh, the choice had obviously been a heavy weight for her to carry. 

“Anything you need, I’m here. Otherwise, I’ll catch you after work.” The girl smiled and turned on her heels, familiarising herself with the layout of the ward. 

The medical unit was of a similar layout to the one she worked in previously, she estimated there were more rooms on standby if needed but otherwise it was fairly familiar. She quickly found the utility room where all of the uncontrolled materials were stored. Anything you could need as a healthcare practitioner was locked away in this room. There was an inventory printed and taped to the inside of the door, she quickly browsed the file then got to work finding all the tools she would need to clean and dress his wounds. Once she was satisfied, she turned on her heel and went to leave the room. Not quite sure why, she stopped herself. 

‘He’s just a man, fleshy and pink just like me.’ The start of her day had been a whirlwind and she hadn’t given herself much time to adjust. Her new reality was now beginning to sink in. She knew her fear was irrational, but her feet just refused to move. An awful sinking feeling enveloped her stomach and a wave of nausea threatened her balance. Without thinking, she pressed the side of her face to the cold steel of the wall and closed her eyes. She was better than this and she was aware of that but that didn’t change the fact that he was dangerous. Not in the cliché alluring way that she’d heard so many girls talk about either, he just frightened her. 

“He’s just a man, fleshy and pink and he needs your help.” She took in a deep breath, squared her shoulders and left the supply room. 

Clutching onto her things, she made her way to the very back of the unit where a side-room was being patrolled by two troopers clad in red armour. They both glanced at the identification badge pinned to her chest and after checking their data pad they let the nurse through. The room was quite big for a hospital suite but the large figure laying on the bed seemed to make everything seem so small in comparison. She set her things down on the steel table at the bottom of the bed and walked over to the sink, glancing at the figure in the bed as she scrubbed her hands.

‘He’s looks like a giant trying to hide in a dollhouse…’

She approached the side of the bed, very aware of the tangle of cables surrounding his body. According to his charts he was on a crash course of fluids; blood transfusions, pain medication and antibiotics. Typically not administered at the same time but all of the labels on the bags had been signed off by Veera and the prescriptions was accurate. Veera would have checked for contra-indications. The nurse studied his form, from head to toe, looking for any signs of infection prior to looking at his wounds. This meant checking his observations; blood pressure, pulse, respirations, oxygen saturation and temperature. Everything seemed to be in order aside from his temperature, it was slightly raised but seeing as he was in a critical stage of healing, the nurse was not overly concerned. 

The girl retrieved a cloth from the nearby cupboard and soaked it with cold water, with the intention of placing it over his forehead to try and cool him down. He seemed to be sound asleep so the nurse approached with ease, gently placing the cloth on his head. She barely had time to react to his hand grabbing her wrist, the movement was so quick that her eyes didn’t quite register what had happened. His grip was tight, and his eyes were fierce. They looked black in the sterile lighting of the room. He didn’t speak, just drew in some haggard breaths and took in his surroundings, all the while holding onto the nurse’s wrist. His eyes scanned the room, looking for something in particular, once he found the guards posted outside he relaxed slightly. His gaze found the nurse again, a deep frown creased his face. His complexion was pale, sweat causing his dark hair to cling to his face. 

“Leave.” His voice caught the nurse off-guard, without the modulator in his helmet his voice was actually quite pleasant; deep with a peculiar ripple to it. 

“Sir, I need to clean and assess your wounds.” The Commander almost did a double take, his jaw doing an odd tick indicating his thinly veiled frustration. 

His lips parted slightly, like he was going to reply but chose instead to remain silent. The nurse frowned slightly, pausing before approaching him again to begin her work. It was just as she reached for the bandages on his abdomen that it hit her. It felt hot and cold at the same time, an awful chill – like ice cold water spilling down her back and then noise. Screams of agony, strangers begging for mercy - cursing their very existence. Unbridled pain and anguish were being forced into her head and the pressure made her skull feel like it was going to crack open. She could feel him, peeling back parts of her mind and shoving things in that didn’t belong there. 

The nurse fell to her knees; her hands clutching her head, scratching the skin of her face and tearing at her hair. She screamed then, a horrific sound that the Jedi Killer was used to hearing. It was a sound he only ever heard as a direct result of his own actions. Her mind had been an open book to him, no protection whatsoever. He walked right in and planted all the horrors he could think of just to make her go away. He didn’t account for the doctor in his plans however. Veera charged in past the guards, she barked orders at them, telling them to restrain him. They did so reluctantly, allowing the doctor to administer enough tranquilliser to sedate a horse. The screaming stopped as soon as the man was plunged into his dreamless sleep, his large body slumped back onto the bed in a peculiar position. Veera was beside her friend in an instant, helping her to her feet and checking her for any signs of injury. Blood had begun to trickle from her nose and her eyes were straining in the light but other than that she appeared okay.

“We keep him sedated from now on, if anyone has a problem with it, they can take it up with me.” The doctor had a foul expression on her elegant face, a blue vein protruding from the side of her forehead. The nurse remained silent, nodding in agreement. Silently acknowledging the fact that there was no way General Hux would accept this, Ren’s mind was a weapon and they couldn’t risk softening it on account of a doctor and her staff. The girl brushed herself off and got to work, ignoring the doctor’s protests. 

“I’m okay, really. Just let me finish up here then I’ll rest for a minute.” The doctor, in high demand on the unit, had no choice but to accept her friend’s ultimatum. 

The nurse asked one of the guards to assist her in moving the man into a better position. Once settled, she quickly removed the stained dressings and begun assessing the damage. The wounds were still fresh and raw, the flesh surrounding the stitching was red and inflamed but there was no indication of infection. A few stitches had burst in the commotion, so she went to work. Pulling on gloves, she prepared his skin and removed the broken stitches. Opening a sterile needle, she went into her zone and fixed everything back together. Her pulse was steadily throbbing at the back of her head and the pressure behind her eyes was almost too much to bare but she pressed on because she couldn't handle having to leave and then return so quickly. Once she was done, she cleaned everything and applied a new dressing. 

She glanced at his face, her eyes lingering on the second dressing. She could still faintly hear the voices and the taste of blood in her mouth was a sour reminder that he didn’t appear to like her very much. Still, she had a job to do. She took a deep breath and held it, quickly approaching him and removing the dressing. Thankfully, this wound had fared better, and the stitches were still in place. The wound looked good, all things considered. After the final dressing was in place, the girl left the room and found herself in the supply room once more. She finally released the breath she was holding and with it came a stream of tears.


	3. Peaches and Lavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lemon Boy - Cavetown

The fallen knight awoke suddenly, tangled in the thin sheets of the hospital bed. He searched his thoughts and frowned when he found the room empty. The room was bare, save from a few noisy machines and a steel table. He tried to test his strength, slowly bracing his arms to push himself up the bed. The effort caused his muscles to shake, sweat gathering quickly on his forehead. Never one to give up so easily, he pushed through the discomfort only to bite back a cry when a sharp pain shot through his torso. He fell back on the bed, cursing under his breath. He didn’t have the strength to sit up, never mind walk out of here. He begrudgingly resounded himself to physical rest but had no intention of just lying there doing nothing.Lying back and closing his eyes, he reached out with his mind, more so out of boredom than anything else. He heard a dozen or so voices, murmuring to themselves about benign tasks or scandalous gossip. Nothing in particular stood out, not until he dropped in on a conversation regarding himself. He recognised one of the voices, the doctor from earlier was voicing some of her concerns. 

‘I’ve gone over his file a dozen times, no mention of what to do when he feels like killing one of my staff…’

‘That ginger bastard has some explaining to do, dumping his attack dog on us without a leash…’

‘There’s no way she’s okay after what he did to her, I’ve never heard anyone make a noise like that before.’

The man laughed at her internal monologue, taking particular joy in the doctor’s distaste for General Hux - he was certainly a frequent subject in people’s thoughts. He was surprised at her concern for the girl, concluding that they must be acquainted outside of work. Genuine compassion for others was not subject matter he was at all familiar with, in fact it was rather alien to him. Which was why revisiting the thoughts of the nurse turned into an unwelcome surprise. 

She didn’t hate him.

‘He must have been terrified, I can’t even imagine how disorientated he must have been…’

He scoffed aloud to no one in particular, unconsciously gripping the rail of the bed with an increasing ferocity. He ignored her monologue for a moment, looking for the falseness - the truth to her. He revisited their previous encounter from her perspective and was met with a familiar fear. Underneath it was begrudging respect and admiration that he doubted was even conscious on her part. A fleeting look and eventual acknowledgement of attraction buried deeply by professional obligation. Restraint he knew in very few. The worst part was the genuine compassion she managed to retain despite the fear.He noticed the beginnings of remorse bloom in the pit of his stomach and scolded himself for meddling in their thoughts in the first place. This was not his concern.

‘Still, that fucking hurt…’ The curse caught him by surprise, the words sounding wrong coming from her voice. He had only scratched the surface of who she was, but everything so far pointed to a different picture. 

Curiosity peaked, the Commander decided to look closer, peeling back more layers. The scent of lavender and a wooden box presented themselves first like the first page of a book. He took a deep breath despite the scent being a memory. It was the most dominant in an array of other things, all coming together to form a smell that reminded the girl of home. A kindly woman with a mess of dark curls wearing a paint covered smock, a revolving door of customers, home grown peaches and a freckled lover. He could taste her happiness and he had never tasted anything sweeter. There was no fight for this knowledge, like it was open to anyone who would spare the time to look. At least that’s what the man told himself when he glimpsed images of her naked form, tangled with a stranger from a planet he’d never seen. He’d never looked into a person’s mind for this exact purpose, had seen plenty of intimate scenes on accident but nothing this visceral. This was the only time where he truly felt like an intruder, however easy it may have been to see. He heard their hushed voices whispering sweet nothings as the sun set, the smell of dirt and how good it had felt… He stopped then, cutting their connection as easily as it had come. 

He opened his eyes again and yelped, the girl was standing beside his bed checking the noisy machines. The sound caught the girl by surprise, the bags of fluid she held in her arms fell to the floor as she leapt back. The girl’s eyes were wide with fear for a brief moment before she managed to collect herself. The pair looked at each other for a long moment, the man was the first to look away, barely managing to conceal his embarrassment. The nurse frowned, bending to retrieve the medicine. She was the first to speak, her eyes locked on the Commander the entire time - trying to learn his body language so she could anticipate his behaviour a little better. 

“I’d like to apologise for earlier –” The commander turned and met her gaze then, his voice incredulous as he replied. 

“For what?” His abruptness caught her off-guard. He sat as tall as he could, his muscles trembling with the effort. Pink splotches coloured his cheeks and even the tips of his ears - his chest heaving with effort for reasons the girl was naive to. 

“I invaded your personal space and caused offence, it was never my intention…” She trailed off, her eyes flicking from his face to his arms, awaiting the inevitable. 

The man didn’t reply, unable to force images of her flesh out of his head. He let out of grunt, bringing his eyebrows together in pain before falling back unceremoniously. The nurse was beside him in an instant, despite their previous encounter warning her against it. She knew if he had the strength he would have fought her, but it appeared a silent truce had been formed for the time being. The nurse cradled his shoulders and adjusted his position, fluffing his pillows so that they supported his head in a more comfortable way. The girl was close to him then, so close that a familiar whiff of lavender found his senses once more. He could see the freckles on her sun kissed skin and the grey hue of her eyes. She politely acknowledged his gaze, a kind smile stretching her lips. 

“Irritating…” He voiced his distaste, mostly for the situation. All the while cramming images of her curves into a deep, dark closet in the back of his mind. 

“I’m perfectly aware of your views, commander.” Her voice was kind, but he noticed the venom behind her words. Very slight and barely noticeable but it was there. 

The girl resumed her previous task, momentarily silencing the noisy machines to hang the bags of fluid. He watched her closely, his personal justification being distraction but a tiny part of him was beginning to ponder another possibility. Her figure was hidden under her uniform, a blue tunic made of thick, durable material. Her complexion was significantly paler than what he had previously seen but her skin was still dusted with freckles. She stood barely above five foot but carried herself with a professional air. Dark hair pulled back in a tight bun, pens absently shoved in and presumably forgotten about. He was about to scold himself, unwilling to imagine the lecture he would later receive from his master regarding his activities, when he noticed the start of a bruise on her wrist. 

The nurse worked away like nothing had happened, but the bruise looked like it should pain her to a significant degree. It was where he had grabbed her before, willing to bet that tomorrow it would match the shape of his hand. Again, another wave of unfamiliar remorse passed through him. Not enough to warrant an apology on his part but perhaps enough to be mindful of his temper. A normal man would have apologised and hoped it was enough, but the Jedi Killer was a special breed of monster, conditioned from a young age to be unrelenting and cruel. It was against everything he was to cave and admit weakness for something so trivial. He knew this better than anyone but for whatever reason, his eyes lingered on her wrist for a moment longer.


	4. Tender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Drowning - How To Destroy Angels

After what felt like the longest shift of her life, the nurse finally reached her living quarters. Practically falling into her room after the door slid open. She wasted no time in peeling off her uniform as she walked into the snug bathroom. She switched on her shower, pausing briefly to allow the water to heat up before stepping into its warm embrace. The girl had carried an unusual feeling throughout the entire day, it clung to her like a weighted blanket and at points was almost uncomfortable. It was the most peculiar thing she’d ever experienced, not entirely unpleasant but definitely unwelcome. Something had just felt off. 

She stepped into the shower and audibly sighed, the scolding water soothing her sore muscles - steadily washing away the remains of the day. She stood motionless in the shower for a moment, resting her head against the cool tile. She’d originally thought this feeling was the after effect of having your mind invaded by a force user but something inside told her it was more than that. All day she’d been remembering peculiar things, nothing unpleasant but they were moments from her life that she rarely thought about - remembering home was always bitter sweet. 

She begun to scrub at her body as she lapsed back into her memory, focusing on each snippet from her life that her brain had thrown to the surface. Her mother, her wooden box, the family business, the peach tree from their garden and her summer love. Everything brought back so fondly through a rose-tinted lens. She could taste the peaches, smell the lavender that grew in her garden and remember the feel of her mother’s work worn hands. The girl smiled to herself, suddenly annoyed at herself for locking these memories away for so long. Her heart seemed to soften as she remembered their faces. 

A blush warmed her face when she remembered him, the freckled boy from the neighbouring farm. He used to bring them wicker baskets full of fruit and vegetables whenever they had a plentiful harvest as a thank you to her mother for her services. He was tall, broad and very tan. He spent all of his time outside in the sun, tending to the family farm. He always had a smile on his face, thankful for the simple things in life. It had been during their last summer together that things got a little heated between them. It was the most typical summer romance you could possibly imagine but every moment of it was perfect, thinking back there was nothing the girl would change - not one bit. They swam in the ocean and ate ice cream, stayed up late watching terrible movies and stole kisses just about everywhere they could. He had tasted like oranges and had such a peculiar scent – dirt, wheat and sunlight. She remembered the night they spent together fondly, it had been both of their first times, so it had been clumsy and wonderful. They had pulled each other’s clothes off in such a hurry that the pair nearly tripped multiple times. She remembered his calloused hands, his wonderful smell and the stupid grin he had on his face the whole time. She had to stop herself then, pausing the movie before it got to the sad part. 

She quickly washed then shut the water off, wrapping her hair in a towel. She didn’t want to deal with the task of taming her hair yet. The girl retrieved her night clothes from under her pillow and dressed for bed, laying down for a moment to try and process her day. While her trip down memory lane had been nice, she was still unsure of what triggered the whole thing. Without an active effort, she found her mind drifting towards her troublesome patient. The power he possessed was absolutely terrifying, he’d rendered her useless in less than a minute. She glanced at her wrist, wincing at the palm shaped bruise turning her skin purple. 

‘I don’t think I’ll ever be able to keep up with his mood swings…’

One moment he was putting her through torture, the next he was sneaking glances at her figure. His eyes darted away as soon as she was about to catch him but she still noticed, it was kind of hard not to. He was many things but subtle was not one of them. He looked at her with such an unusual expression, a mixture of anger, contempt, sorrow and embarrassment, if that was even possible. The girl laughed in spite of everything, giggling to herself. She knew trying to rationalise anything about that man would cause her mind to spiral so she decided then to let it go. She wouldn’t have to deal with his bizarre company for much longer. She brushed through the tangle of her hair, braiding it to try and control the chaos as much as possible before falling into what turned out to be an eventful sleep. 

…

The man found himself dreaming of the nurse. By no means an intentional effort on his part, he simply closed his eyes and searched for her memory. She was harder to lock onto this time, like she was further away. Eventually he found her signature and followed the smell of lavender, finding her sound asleep. It was with horror then that he realised he wasn’t truly dreaming but seeking her out so he could lose himself once more. He could feel a million justifications beginning to float to the surface of his mind, reasons why this was a weak and foolish endeavour. He took in a long breath once more, the soothing aroma of the flower and the warmth of the room was what kept him there. If he focused hard enough, it felt like he was actually standing there. 

An inward cringe, that was a level of perversion he wasn’t quite ready to sink to just yet. He felt like an addict coming back for his next fix, unsure of what he did before he found this. He focused on her, swallowing his pride for a long moment as he reached out. An involuntary smirk consumed his face, it appeared he had left an impression. The girl was entranced in an interesting scenario, envisioning the commander in a role similar to that of her freckled lover. She lounged on a wooden porch, a cup of fresh lemonade wedged between her thighs. She sat, watching from far away as he worked in the sunlight, delighting as sweat made his body glisten. He caught her looking and waved, beckoning her to come over. She thought about it, long moments passed by before she eventually shook her head. He simply shrugged, carrying on with his chores. 

The commander had to laugh, not a cruel gesture but more in complete disbelief. He had never had someone picture him in this way, had never seen his physical self from another person’s perspective. He was usually a dark figure, tormenting people in their sleep, twisting dreams into nightmares. This was completely new. It shifted his core and unsettled him. He was so used to being feared, it gave him drive and focus towards his unsavoury ambitions. This… He had no idea what to do with this. 

He focused his attention back towards the girl, the dream having shifted into something else. A familiar room, a static energy in the air that seemed to ripple across their skin. They were stood together, a promise in their eyes he’d never seen before. This time was different, like he’d stepped into the role personally, it was like he was right there with her. He could feel the warmth radiating from her body, could hear her shallow breathing and could almost feel the smoothness of her skin. He knew this wasn’t actually happening, he knew if he broke the connection right now he’d wake up in his room – cold and alone. 

A caution was in the air, the girl had uncertainty in her eyes. Her hand reached out slowly, almost waiting for him to step away from her. When he didn’t, she smiled. She closed the distance between them and reached for the neck of his tunic, gently tugging him towards her. She seemed so calm, so certain that everything was going to be okay… That this was the most natural thing in the world. The Jedi Killer didn’t scare easily but at that moment, his heart was pounding in his chest, he could hear his pulse in his ears – like a mocking reminder that this wasn’t meant for him. He let himself be brought down to her level, having to kneel for her - a gentle surrender. The girl, fighting her unconscious fear, placed a trembling hand on his forehead. 

‘This proves it…’ The girl murmured to herself, relishing the feel of his skin.

The Jedi Killer realised then that things had somehow escalated, he was no longer a spectator. He’d dived deep enough to be present with her, for a unique sort of connection to form between the two of them. Once again, he was afraid, and she was not. She smoothed her hand from his forehead to the side of his face, cupping his cheek. He pulled his hands into fists, refusing to surrender to his whims any longer. The girl was in a daze, her eyes skimming over his face, taking in the details as if she were looking at someone new. The man was about to cut the connection when, as if sensing the impending departure, the girl clutched his face and placed a kiss on his forehead. For one long moment, everything stood still. The girl ran her fingers through his hair, twisting the strands so they would curl. 

‘If this were real, you’d have killed me by now…’ Her voice quivered slightly, letting her hands fall away from his face. 

The man had let his eyes slip shut, trying to carve every detail of tenderness into his memory when her words pierced him like a sword. She was right, if this had taken place in any other setting, he doubted the girl would have survived the encounter. Despite this being an obvious fact, he resented it somehow. Briefly pondering why he had been denied experiences like this, the boiling pot of emotions her touch brought forth was astounding. He knew his master would string him up for entertaining thoughts like this but in this space, he felt like he could. His skin tingled, his pulse quickened, and he wanted more. 

The connection broke then, throwing both respected parties back into their own heads. The man jolted upright, fighting to catch his breath. He placed a hand firmly against his chest, willing his pulse to slow down. It took a few minutes before he was calm enough to think. Another nurse, presumably from the night shift, tapped on the window looking into his room and asked if he was alright. He quickly nodded, ushering her away. With a polite nod, she left him alone. He eased himself back against the bed, waves of shame and frustration coursing through him. This wasn’t him, getting this worked up over another person was ridiculous. He then noticed the situation beneath his sheets and couldn't contain the irritated groan that escaped him. 

This had been the first time in his life that he’d had to deal with urges like this. He suppressed them so deeply that he barely even remembered their influence.   
He had forgotten all of it, having been told that it made a person weak. Any type of affection was a distraction he didn’t have time for. Thinking back, there hadn’t been cause for it before. He had never felt a connection like that before. He craved it now, but he did not understand it. Was it simply because he was vulnerable that he felt the need to latch on to someone? She wasn’t stunningly beautiful but there was something there he couldn’t place. He made a quick decision to ignore it, that eventually he would be on his feet and out on the field again, the nurse a distant memory. He willed a dreamless sleep to take him but unfortunately for him exhaustion didn’t claim him until hours later.


	5. Death Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt trips, anyone?

Morning arrived and the nurse was already awake. She lay in her bed, having willed for sleep to claim her for what felt like hours. Since she’d woken up from her dream, her mind had been spinning. She had tried increasing the temperature in the room, rubbing lavender oil on her wrists and had even poured herself a cup of hot milk, pretty much everything besides knocking herself out. She couldn’t wrap her head around what had happened. When she first tucked herself into bed, everything had been fine. She had drifted to sleep rather quickly, dreaming of home, when he had invaded her thoughts once more. It happened suddenly, that same uneasy feeling overwhelmed her and with it came him. He was just there, at first in place of other people then just as himself. He looked different too, his face was without injury – a sight she had never seen. 

The dream was good, nothing bad had happened. It was incredibly intimate and had an air of secrecy about it, which only added to the confusion. She never acknowledged the possibility of being attracted to him but after her dream it felt like an unavoidable truth. Plus, upon waking she had been met with a familiar wetness between her legs. The dream had felt so real, everything about it was rendered perfectly, there were some details that her brain had to have made up for her – seeing as she didn’t know the truth to her assumptions. Her dream had left her absolutely exhausted, yet she had to go in and face him like she hadn’t just spent most of her night dreaming about him. The thought was almost enough to make her call in sick, but she knew she was being ridiculous. She threw on her uniform, pulled her hair out of her face and marched out of her room and towards the cafeteria. 

The girl was relieved when she spotted Veera sitting alone in the cafeteria, absently prodding at her breakfast. The nurse practically ran over to her, ignoring the prying stares of other tired patrons. The doctor glanced up, confusion tweaked her left brow. Her friend looked exhausted, her eyes bloodshot and puffy. She put her spoon down and folded her hands together, awaiting what she assumed would be an interesting tale. The nurse flopped onto the chair opposite her, dropping her tray onto the table. 

“Something happened last night…” Veera laughed before she took a long swig of her coffee, enjoying the gentle buzz it provided. 

“I assumed as much, tell me who was it and how many times did it happen?” The nurse smiled but shook her head, wondering how best to explain what she experienced. 

“Nothing that exciting, I’m afraid…” She trailed off, trying to find the right words. 

“If it wasn’t an exceptional lay then I’m stumped, you wouldn’t willingly relinquish sleep for anything else.” The doctor laughed again but her eyes were steady. 

“It was a dream… The most realistic dream I’ve ever had! Everything felt so real, I could see and smell things I’d never experienced before—” The doctor cut her friend off abruptly, a warning written on her face.

“Who did you dream about?” The nurse began to worry but persisted with the details regardless. 

“The commander.” An unwelcome recognition filled the doctor’s eyes, another heavy choice unceremoniously dumped onto her shoulders. 

She had heard of this before, too often she’d had to fix people in this fleet that had crossed paths with the commander. More often than not, they had spent their time in her care unable to sleep, too tormented by horrific dreams to get any time to rest. It was his specific brand of torture. She glanced at her friend’s wrist, concerned by how swollen and discoloured her wrist had become. The choice was made for her then, if she could stop this from getting any worse, she would. Her friend had suffered enough under her instruction. 

“I want you to take the day to rest that wrist, it looks awful.” The nurse opened her mouth to protest but was silenced when the doctor placed her hand over her mouth. 

“I don’t want to hear it, go home and rest. You can tell me more about your dreams later.” The girl sighed, nodding her head in defeat. 

Veera smiled then as she stood, removing her tray from the table. Without another word, she walked towards the exit, handing her leftovers to the kitchen staff before disappearing through the door. The girl glanced at her fob watch, their shift didn’t start for another half hour. Had she known the doctor would react in such an odd fashion, she would never have bothered telling her about what happened. The whole conversation had left a bitter taste in her mouth. With a scowl twisting her face, she made her way back to her room. 

…

In another part of the base, the doctor was on a war path, the anger coursing through her body the only thing keeping her from caving. She knew too well what he was capable off, the kind of games he liked to play with people. ___________ was far too sweet and kind to stand a chance, she’d find some reason to justify his actions, empathise with him and end up letting him do anything he wanted to her. The though made her pulse quicken. ‘Not her – anyone but her.’   
As she walked onto the ward, she didn’t pause to greet anyone, she just continued walking until she was stood outside his door. His guards checked her identification against their records, an obvious question on their tongues. 

“____________ isn’t feeling very well, I’m covering her shift today.” The pair looked at each other then back at her, silently agreeing to let her through. It was unknown whether it was her credentials or her stern face that swayed their judgement, she was just happy they didn’t make a scene. 

In the room, she found the commander sound asleep, deciding that she was glad he looked so vulnerable at that moment. It made trying to intimidate him slightly easier. She adjusted his medication and checked his observations before taking a seat at the end of his bed, deciding to wait until he woke up of his own volition. She couldn’t bitch him out if he was choking the life from her. So she waited, managing to catch up on miles of paperwork before he decided to wake from his slumber. He stirred and at the same time the doctor’s pen fell silent. She watched him groan, clutching his head before eventually searching the room, a bizarre sense of urgency behind his eyes. His expression changed when he noticed the doctor. A very long moment of silence followed. 

“Aren’t you going to ask where she is?” The commander was caught by surprise, it had been a long time since someone had questioned him so directly. 

Still, he wouldn’t bite. He sat there, watching her grow steadily more irritated. He wondered then whether her temper was slightly worse than his own, if that was the case then this confrontation would be easy and very predictable. He remained stoic, giving nothing away despite hundreds of thoughts buzzing around his head. He tried to search for the nurse, wondering whether she was sick or if there was something more sinister going on. He tried to follow her signature but a sharp pain in his head cut off his efforts. His eyes squeezed shut, his palm rubbing small circles on his temple. Whatever he’d done in the night had exhausted his mind, he’d spent too long with her. 

“You won’t find her.” His eyes found the doctor again, anticipating a snarky expression. Instead he saw her golden eyes fill with unspent tears. She blinked, causing them to pour down her slender face. A heart-breaking display of sorrow and loss. He tried to search her intentions and was blocked again by the searing pain in his head. The tears kept pouring as she sniffled through the rest of her questions. 

“You had to have known she wouldn’t survive, nobody ever does.” The man’s eyes widened a fraction, his hands balling into fists by his side. He had no idea what she meant, he hadn’t killed her. She had been alive when the connection broke. He’d felt her presence linger once they had separated. There had been no malicious intent in his actions so was bemused as to how it could have happened. He was almost certain she was lying to him but was unsure why she would go to the trouble. 

“You know better than anyone what you are capable of.” Her voice was beginning to break under the strain of her tears, but her eyes remained fierce. She felt like she was beginning to get somewhere – she was still breathing which meant she was onto something. 

His mind begun to dwell on the possibility and the pain in his head gave the notion some weight. If he’d been affected this badly then maybe there could have been some backlash for her as well. He never planned on the connection that happened, it was something new that he could never have predicted. There was no telling what could have happened to her once the connection broke. An awful pit formed in his chest, a sinking feeling that caused his hands to tremble. A deep frown creased his face as he searched his head for answers – a blood curdling screech interrupted his thoughts. 

“How dare you sit there and say nothing!” She was on him now, clutching his hospital gown in her fists, pulling him off the bed. Her strength surprised him, her arms didn’t struggle with the effort. She held him close to her face, her furious expression inches away from his own. Her loss was palpable, and he could no longer deny her truth. He let out a weary sigh, letting his remorse take him. The doctor’s face changed when his regret finally manifested on his face, such an unusual expression to watch overwhelm his features. She let him go then, letting her facade crumble at her feet. 

“Remember this feeling, Kylo Ren.” She left the room, leaving her words to curdle in the air. 

He sat motionless for a long time, taking time to take her words apart before he realised it was a trick. He expected anger to take over, he wanted the urge to kill to fog his brain so he wouldn’t feel regret, he wanted any familiar feeling to return to him. Anything to feel like he did before. Instead he sat there, silently willing the tears in his eyes to dry up. The doctor had managed to convince him that he’d killed the nurse in few words and in fewer words still she’d rendered him a gullible fool. Anger was there but the more present emotion he felt was relief. Unwelcome relief that had been crammed into his head by an unruly doctor with a death wish. Not entirely sure what to do with himself, he let his head fall into his hands.


	6. Cold Light of Day

“You did what?!” The nurse was perched on the side of her bed, barely able to believe what she was hearing. 

“I nearly cracked the bastard, you should have seen his face! I didn't think he was capable of human emotion but he proved me wrong.” Veera was still coming down from her high, having ran to her friend’s apartment as soon as her lunch break arrived. 

“Veera, he could have killed you.” The doctor was pacing in front of the girl, rambling like a mad man. 

“More importantly, he was on track to kill you.” The girl scoffed, which caused the pacing to cease for a moment. She opened her mouth to defend him but stopped herself when she was unsure of why that was her first instinct. 

“He didn’t… I don’t think he was going to but now he might!” The doctor shook her head, a smug expression claiming her face once more. 

“He won’t, I believe he likes you more than he’s let on.” Again, the girl scoffed, waving her bruised wrist in her friend’s face. 

“You didn’t see his face, he looked guilty, remorseful… I’ve never even seen him apologise before never mind shed a tear for someone.” Surprise lit up the girl’s features. 

“He cried?” Vera shook her head as she took her friend’s hands in her own, crouching beneath her. 

“No but he was pretty damn close. I don’t know what happened between you two, but it didn’t take much to convince him that you’d died… You need to be careful, hurting you is something he can do easily, even if it isn’t intentional.” The girl stopped the doctor in her tracks, a question burning on her lips. 

“You keep talking about something that happened between us… The wrist incident was already dealt with.” The doctor squeezed her hands, a peculiar look on her face. 

“Your dream… He instigated it. He has the ability to plant things in people’s heads… Make them have awful nightmares.” The girl remained confused, remembering her dream and wondering what the hell the doctor was getting at. 

“I told you, the dream wasn’t bad. Sure, he was in the dream, but he wasn’t doing anything awful.” It was the doctor’s turn to look puzzled. 

“What did he do in the dream, what happened?” The girl pondered her reply for a moment. 

“I dreamt of home, the old house, the farm… He was just kind of there.” The doctor was thoroughly unconvinced. 

“That’s it, I swear! It was just nice to dream of home, it felt like I was there. It reminded me of better times…” The girl smiled warmly, inwardly trying to justify why she’d just lied to her best friend. Veera checked her watch and sighed as she stood to leave. She held her suspicious expression for a moment longer before heading out the door. Leaving the girl to sit in her room, pondering the choices she’d just made. 

…

The night fell upon them once more and once again two individuals at different ends up the ship were having trouble falling asleep. The commander had turned to meditation in a desperate attempt to remember his lessons, to ground himself in some way. He cursed the irritating machines at his bedside, even used them as an excuse for his failure to focus. He knew better but he denied himself the truth, as he had done plenty of times before. He’d stubbornly cast out his family, he’d secluded himself from his friends and rid himself of his own name. All in a futile attempt to belong somewhere. He cast his eyes down at himself, dreading eventually having to cast his eyes upon his new reflection. These scars would be a constant reminder of the time he fell fighting an untrained scavenger. 

He had tried not to dwell on the fight, knew revisiting the details wouldn’t change what had happened. Not only that but the other memories that would undoubtedly follow were ones he wasn’t particularly eager to revisit. As if on cue, his father’s face floated to the surface of his mind. His tired, old face as familiar as his own – despite their time apart. He remembered his words and his eventual plea. He remembered his hand on the side of his face and the look of hope that briefly lit up his face. Then he remembered plunging his laser sword through his chest, watching him fall into the dark abyss of the planet. When it had happened, he hadn’t felt a thing. Thinking back on it now, a now familiar remorse rose up in his chest, yet more tears threatening to fall. He quickly brushed them aside, pushing the memory far from his mind. Which left only what followed, the scavenger and her traitor. He’d went down without much of a fight; his weapon had cut him down with an ease he was used to at that point. What proved to be the challenge was the scavenger. She had his uncle’s weapon, god only knows where she had found it. He’d searched for years trying to obtain it. Then there it was, illuminating her face with its unique glow. She’d looked furious, much like the doctor had earlier that day. He decided then it was a look so cold that only woman could carry it well. 

He knew he’d have to hunt her down, extinguish the rebellion once and for all. He imagined she would train in the time between their next encounter which meant he had to as well. Another defeat was unacceptable. Not just for the sake of his ego but for the results of his training. All these years of forced exile and restraint couldn’t have been for nothing. He hadn’t imagined his end goal would take this shape, but it seemed fate had decided his biggest obstacles in life would take the form of women. In his melancholy state, he decided to trample on the flower in his mind that was the nurse. He’d let her grow for too long, he’d played along with the fantasy for far too long and had almost forgotten what truly mattered to him. Where he was going and what he was doing couldn’t include her, even if a small part of him wished for that eventuality. He couldn’t just let her memory drift from his mind, he would have to actively cut her out. The doctor had done well in proving her point, even if she’d only had half of the story. He imagined if she knew what his intentions had been, she’d have been repulsed. 

Despite his best efforts, when sleep eventually found him, he replayed their encounter. Finding comfort in her company once more. The relief from before was now almost overwhelming, getting to grasp something he thought lost was not a luxury afforded to most. Ever foolish - he proclaimed proudly promises that he would never be able to keep, despite his best efforts. She’d planted herself in his mind like a weed, he could try and rid himself of her, but she would just reappear. He’d fight it because he was a glutton for punishment – no matter how futile that fight was.


	7. Feather-light and Fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid it's all downhill from here, peeps.

The girl had struggled to settle throughout the night, partly due to the fact she’d spent most of the day sleeping soundly. So when night arrived she was wide awake. Despite this, she felt okay when morning came, walking along to the ward with an unusual sense of urgency. She stopped to talk with the nurses as she went, politely smiling and brandishing her wrist, gaining unwarranted sympathy from her colleagues. She didn’t like lying about why she had been absent, but her excuse was easier to acknowledge than the truth. 

She decided not to hesitate outside of his door, despite everything in her body telling her to do exactly that. The guards politely acknowledged her, stating they were glad she was feeling better. She smiled, quickly disappearing into the room. The smile left her face when she saw the state of the commander. He was stood by the side of his bed, frantically pushing different buttons on the drip monitors. There was blood on the side of his gown, a trail leading back to the bed where he’d been sleeping. He was getting nowhere fast so decided to start pulling at the needles in his arms. 

“Please don’t do that!” His entire body stiffened with surprise, unaware of her presence in the room. 

He contemplated going along with her request before deciding to tear out one of the needles secured into the back of his hand, blood spraying onto his bed and trickling down his gown. He reached for another but the nurse was over in an instant, clutching his hands tightly. 

“Please, just stop for a moment so I can help you.” Their close proximity felt different to how it had been in their encounter before, the physical element obviously playing a much bigger role than he’d originally thought. 

“I don’t want your help.” He tried to pull his hands away but the nurse held on tighter. She implored him to listen, her tired eyes brimming with concern. 

He snatched his hands from hers in an effort that didn’t require much strength but sat back down on the edge of his bed, his bloody hands clasped on his lap. The nurse stood unsure of what to do for a moment before he let out a massive sigh, his jaw doing that odd tick again. She didn’t care to test her luck and began rushing around the room, gathering the things she needed. Realising she needed more dressings, she excused herself from the room – ignoring the prying eyes questioning her bloody hands. She returned quickly, surprised to see him perched where she’d left him. She dropped her supplies onto the steel table before turning her attention to him once again. 

“Before I start fixing this, can I ask why you picked a fight with the drip machine?” He looked at her like the answer was obvious but when she remained silent, he reluctantly murmured a reply. 

“I want to have a shower.” The nurse made a noise of acknowledgement before nodding in agreement. 

“Why didn’t you just say so? I’m more than happy to help.” He rolled his eyes, her pleasant aura beginning to irritate him. 

“I have to fix your hand first before we head through…” The commander’s mind immediately presented him an image of her naked form, like the assumption was that she would be naked as well. He knew that was ridiculous and resented his mind for stooping to that level. 

“We?” Curiosity still made him clarify.

“This will be your first test of strength since receiving your injuries, I want to keep an eye on you just in case something happens.” Her logic was sound so the commander struggled to justify his objections. 

“Privacy?” The word felt false falling off his lips, seeing as he was constantly trying to rid himself of stolen images of her naked body. 

“I’ll be right outside, I won’t come in unless you need me to.” She smiled, trying her best to reassure him. Inwardly impressed that the conversation was lasting this long. 

When the commander didn’t voice any further concerns, the nurse stood and walked over to the sink on the far wall – vigorously washing her hands. She returned to his side, perching on the bed beside him. She held her hand out to him, silently asking permission to take his own. It was a very small gesture but everything this woman did required some detail of analysis on the man’s part. He looked at her small hand, noticed how surprisingly work worn they looked. Her nails were short and clean, the skin of her hands chapped around her knuckles. Everything about her seemed oddly compacted into such a small space but it was oddly endearing. Slowly, he indulged her request. She pulled on a pair of blue latex gloves before grasping his hand firmly.

She drew her face closer to his hand, taking a sterile wipe and swiping away all the gore that had dried onto his skin. He noticed she worked quickly and without much fuss. One action flowed swiftly into the next, a skill one only possessed when they were good at something. Knowing how much time that took earned a begrudging level of respect from the commander. Within minutes, the bleeding had stopped on his hand and he’d been disconnected from the drips.  
Palpable tension began to build in the room, a fact that made the girl slightly uneasy. She was proud of how professional she had been up until that point, a part of her aware of how easily the situation could have turned. She didn’t know this man, had barely managed to have a conversation with him but something was there. A constant stream of thought in the back of her mind worked to try and figure him out. It was most likely a wasted effort on her part but it was something she had begun to enjoy, which unsettled her further. The both of them were acutely aware of each other in the most primitive way and not many people can say they've won against chemistry. 

The nurse stood, gathering her used supplies before placing them in the clinical waste bin. She motioned for the man to stay put as she glided into the en-suite bathroom, adjusting the temperature of the water and the height of the shower head. Hospital bathrooms were a frightfully practical affair; shower chair, extendable shower head, elevated toilet seats for individuals with mobility issues… You name it and chances are they have it hidden away somewhere. The girl laughed, annoyed that she’d gotten so worked up at the thought of being alone in here with him, you couldn’t get a more clinical setting if you actively tried. She retrieved a fresh gown and grabbed a few sample sized bottles of soap and shampoo from the cupboard in the bathroom before returning to the commander.

“Are you ready to head in?” The man craned his neck to look at her, his eyes dark and focused as he scrutinised her. 

The man took a few moments to get his balance but once he was stood properly, the girl was slightly overwhelmed by how massive he was. His dark wardrobe did wonders because the girl would have never guessed he was so muscular. It didn’t immediately strike her as attractive either, it was more on the intimidating side of things. That combined with his height was almost too much – she was so used to seeing him lying down that she forgot how tall he was. The man noticed her ogling and coughed to get her attention. The nurse apologised, ushering him into the bathroom. She gave the man a brief tour before explaining the shower, setting down all of the things she’d brought for him. 

“I’ll fetch some towels for you, I’ll leave them just inside the door. Aside from that, if you need anything else, just holler – I’ll be in the other room so I’ll hear you.” The nurse smiled again, awaiting any further questions. The man nodded before turning his back to her, she took this as her cue to leave. 

Outside she got to work; she gave the whole room a once over. She emptied the bins, wiped down all the surfaces, stocked up the cupboards in the room with supplies, fetched a new jug of water and brought some small snacks for him to try. She was about to begin changing his bed when she heard him call for her. To be honest, she had just expected him to struggle away for hours rather than call on her for help so the request caught her off guard. She dropped what she was doing and knocked on the bathroom door. 

“Are you alright?” A long moment of silence followed before the commander reluctantly responded, irritation coated his words in a way that made his voice drop an octave. 

“I need your help.” The nurse caught herself smirking before she frowned, clawing back the remaining scraps of her professionalism. 

“Can I come in?” The man wondered why she bothered to ask as the answer was obvious but he realised then it was a quality he liked about her. 

“Yes, I don’t see how you can help by standing out there.” He deflected but was pleased when he heard the nurse laugh from the other side of the door. 

The nurse slowly entered the room, unsure of what to expect. What she found knocked the wind out of her for a moment. He was naked, save from the towel folded across his lap. She had to blink a few times before eventually accepting this was the sight she was seeing. His towering form was hunched over in the shower chair, his pale complexion flush from being under the hot water for so long. She approached slowly, subconsciously drinking in the sight before her. Her internal etch-a-sketch committing every detail to memory. 

“What’s wrong?” A simple question that could have received a plethora of replies, the man decided to keep it simple. 

“I can’t reach my back.” He didn’t elaborate and the nurse didn’t ask, she simply retrieved the sponge from the floor and lathered it up with soap. 

She smiled to herself, placing on hand on his shoulder to keep him steady while the other scrubbed away. This close, she could see lots of tiny scars decorating his back – no doubt from training with his laser sword. The scars were too neat to have come from anything else. He was covered in moles and beauty marks, she would have lumped them in with freckles but they were too dark and none of them were clustered together. They reminded her of constellations and part of her wished she had a pen so she could draw a line linking them all together. She moved her steady hand so that it rested lightly on his arm while she washed the shoulder she’d been holding. She noticed his body tense, briefly wondering if she’d hurt him. He never voiced a complaint and he never told her to stop so she kept working, making her way down to his lower back. 

‘Back dimples…’

Urging her professionalism to reclaim her rationality, she tried to ignore the fact that the tyrant of the galaxy had adorable little back dimples. She had to bite her lip to keep a giggle from escaping. Little did she know; the man had been keeping tabs on her inner monologue and part of him wished she hadn’t succeeded in keeping her composure so he could confront her about it. He was also content just sitting there, he was still adamant that this mess of a situation had to conclude sooner rather than later but his body was an awful liar – and this opportunity had been too good to pass up. Besides, the tattered remains of his moral compass suggested he let her see him, in a futile attempt to justify his perversions. His train of thought stopped when the girl halted her assault on his back, she’d rinsed away the soap and was now wringing out the sponge. The sudden absence of her touch left him feeling unsteady, his skin still resonating from the sensation. He refused to cave and ask for anything else, despite everything inside of him calling out for it. 

“Your hair, you didn’t manage to wash that either – want me to give you a hand?” It was the commander’s turn to bite back a smile, deciding to remain stoic and nod instead. The nurse shrugged, bending to retrieve some shampoo from the pile of things she’d brought through. 

“I’m afraid we don’t have any conditioner; your curls will have to suffer for the time being…” The man didn’t immediately reply as he assumed it was something she’d thought. 

“Aw, come on. I thought that would have teased something out of you.” The commander was genuinely unsure of how to respond, deciding to take the cowards way out and shrug. 

“Ah well, there’s still time. I’ll have you talking in complete sentences in no time.” Again, he had to double take and realise she’d actually spoken the words. 

“We’ll see.” The commander took a turn and let his thoughts be heard, causing the nurse to chuckle softly. She took the shower head and made sure the water wasn’t too warm.

“Tilt your head back for me, don’t want shampoo getting in your eyes.” Without a thought he obliged, slowly but surely becoming putty in the girl’s hands. 

She took her time with this process, partly because she wanted to relish the experience but also because she wanted to try and relax the man. She found from previous experience that stress interfered with any type of healing and the commander seemed to carry stress wherever he went. His shoulders were testament enough to that fact, she’d never felt muscles so stiff before in her life. She glanced down at him, meeting his eyes instantly. His brown orbs held a bizarre expression, one that made her stomach begin to coil with anticipation. She ran her fingers through the front of his hair, bringing the strands back to join the rest. Once she was satisfied, she soaked the lengths and applied a generous amount of shampoo – taking her sweet time to work the gel into his hair. She rubbed his scalp in smooth, circular motions – wondering whether he’d ever been touched like this before. He hadn’t but he didn’t want to tell her that, that would give her much more power than he was comfortable with. Still, in that moment all those thoughts seemed far away again, all he could think about was how good he felt, despite everything. He audibly sighed when her fingers ran through the length of his hair, his eyes having slipped shut not long after she started. The girl enjoyed that expression, wished she could bottle it up and save it for a rainy day. 

Deep down she knew how fragile this was, she wanted to play the fool and pretend he was something other than what he was. He was purpose built for one thing and didn’t have room in his life for anything else. The thought put a lump in her throat – she couldn’t imagine having to live such a lonely life. She pulled away from him then, rinsing the shampoo from his hair. She tried to smile and make light of the situation somehow but nothing came to mind. The man in question had heard her thoughts but couldn’t offer her any reassuring words. Part of him was glad she was finally starting to understand him while the other was longing to keep her close – spare her from his truth. 

“I’ll leave you to get dressed… I still have some things to sort in your room so please excuse me.” She turned and walked into the other room without another word. 

…

Late into the night, long after both parties had fallen asleep, recollections of their interaction earlier that day filled their heads and spilled into their dreams. Surprisingly, the man had been the first to cave. His mind subconsciously seeking the nurse, following her essence and finding her sleeping soundly in her room. Their link established without any effort, it was like stepping through a door way - going from one room to another. 

She was dreaming about him, replaying the incident in the shower. Without hesitation, the man went along with the narrative and reprised his role. Once again, he was sat naked and vulnerable, eagerly awaiting her touch. The nurse, wearing a much more relaxed expression, trailed her fingers along the outline of his frame. Dancing over his skin, along his shoulders and down the lengths of his arms. The feather-light sensation made his skin tingle. She explored his body, moving her palms along the muscles covering his back, desperately trying to knead out some of the knots. The commander let his head fall back, catching her gaze. 

They looked at each other for a long moment, streams of consciousness buzzing around them – fit to burst with so many unspoken words. An insufferable tension was building and another unspoken agreement was established. ___________ glided her hand from the base of his back to the top of his chest, running her fingers along his collarbone. An almost inaudible moan left his mouth, surprising them both. For someone in such blatant need of relief, the man was very opposed to the idea. He scolded himself but was helpless in moaning again when her hands trailed up his throat and settled on either side of his face. 

“Why can’t you let yourself enjoy this?”

He remained silent, his eyes fixed on her face – trying desperately to anticipate her next move. Her question seemed redundant to the man, he had an entire empire balanced on his shoulders. Surprising him once more, she laughed slightly. 

“What about after? You can’t live like this forever…”

The man scoffed, rolling his eyes at her naive nature. He ignored the doubt that began to swirl in his stomach and concentrated on ridding himself of all the foolish thoughts that question brought to light. He was so caught up in his efforts that he didn’t notice the nurse settle herself on his lap until the new sensation caused him to gasp. She was all around him, the heat from her body and the smell of her skin were threatening to drive him over the edge. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grinding her hips against his in a smooth movement that caused the man to shiver – an embarrassingly loud moan tumbled out of his mouth as she pressed her lips against his ear.

“Maybe it’s because you don’t know what you’re missing…”

He couldn’t leave, he pleaded with his limbs and bargained with his rationality but nothing made it through. It felt like he was fighting against gravity, everything else in that moment trying to smother the doubt attempting to ensnare his mind. For the longest moment, all he could do was sit and watch as the nurse moved against him. Her words fell over themselves, again and again, until they sounded as familiar as his own pulse. Her touch, the intoxicating tingles running along his flesh and the scent of lavender and honey was all it took to render him powerless. 

‘Never powerless, never weak, never subject to the will of others.’

His mantra seemed meaningless in that moment but he screamed the words in his head, trying to beat whatever was consuming him. The nurse noticed, of course she did. Not only did she notice but she did exactly what he needed her to do – whether he was aware of it or not was an entirely different matter. She stopped; she grew still in his arms – which he now realised were secure on her waist. He looked from his arms to her face, curious as to why she stopped. He was dangling off the edge of reason, all it would have taken was a little nudge to send him plummeting into the depths of insanity. 

Looking into her eyes, he realised she knew that and she’d stopped regardless. He couldn’t say with any certainty that if the roles had been reversed that he would have done the same. She cradled his face, stroking his feverish skin with cool hands as he confronted this uncomfortable truth. Her friend had been right, she wasn’t aware of just how monstrous he was. She didn’t know about the cruelty he was capable of, if she did she would not be here with him in that moment. He couldn’t meet her gaze then, suddenly feeling unworthy of all the wonderful things she was trying to share with him. 

“Be with me.”

Their eyes met once more and for the smallest moment of clarity, he was. In this secluded haven he had somehow managed to stumble upon, he let go for just a second and it was bliss. Her skin grew warm beneath his touch, her eyes glistened as a smile illuminated her face. She felt a wave of warmth pass through her and felt him relax beneath her, his black eyes seeming to soften. She leaned in close then, so comfortable with their closeness. Her eyes slipped shut as the man’s heart began to hammer in his chest. Her kiss was gentle and so were her hands as they tangled in his hair. He willed his hands to stay by her side, afraid of what relinquishing control would mean. She obliged his shyness and deepened the kiss as she felt his fingers begin to tremble. 

Without warning something dark passed through them both. It felt like the ground had opened up and plunged them both into ice cold water. The nurse flinched when she felt the man's hands clutch her tightly, his fingers digging painfully into the flesh on her arms. His entire body was rigid and alert as his eyes searched for something she couldn't see. She heard a voice she didn't recognise and felt something reach into her chest as panic began to overwhelm her. She locked eyes with the man in his arms once more, desperate to hold on before she was ripped from his embrace and thrown into the void. The Jedi Killer was powerless to do anything, he watched her fall into the dark - cringed when he heard her scream but sat motionless as familiar dread filled his senses.

The nurse threw aside her sheets as she rushed to the bathroom, convulsing against the toilet as her stomach churned forcefully. She threw up the entire contents of her stomach and then some. Even after the nausea had subsided, the uncontrollable shivers refused to subside until she fought her way into the shower. The warmth of the water offered her muscles some welcome relief as she was finally able to gather her thoughts. She couldn't shake the fear that held her, it felt like something had coiled around her throat and refused to let go. She fought hard to remember the nice aspects from her dream but found herself unable to focus on anything else. Her eyes filled with tears when she realised the man had recognised it, the last thing she saw was a grim acceptance on his face and it broke her heart. The tears fell as pieces started to fall into place, she glanced at her arm and saw blue blotches begin to form on her skin. She didn't understand any of it, didn't see how any of this was possible but the nurse had no choice but to accept it. 

On the other side of the base, Kylo Ren was screaming. An old, disfigured man adorned in fine robes stood at the bottom of the hospital bed - his large hand extended towards the man. The man recognised his master as soon as he'd appeared, his signature unmistakable. He had known he would have found out sooner or later but had secretly wished for longer than a few days before the illusion was shattered. He endured the punishment, he knew trying to hide anything from him was pointless. Still, his master pried apart his defences and searched his thoughts - looking for the girl. He found each fleeting thought and cherished memory and deliberately stained them with misery. Each glimpse of her face brought forth a new wave of pain until eventually there was nothing good left. The man fought for breath between his cries, clutching his chest in an attempt to calm himself. 

“I wish I could say I was disappointed but truth be told, I expected an incident like this to occur sooner rather than later.”


	8. Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see, sorry for the delay in posting. <3

“You’re more foolish than I ever gave you credit for, Ren.” General Hux spoke from what he thought was safe distance, unable to hide the smug undertone that overwhelmed his words.

The General took in the scene before him with an expression of distaste, his mouth twisted in an attempt to hide his amused smirk. The mighty Kylo Ren had been reduced to a grovelling mess; taking to hiding in a dark room, attempting to tend his wounds like a wounded animal. The General noted the stink of stale sweat and blood and decided then that the request for his early discharge was an entirely idiotic notion. The man before him could barely stand unassisted never mind resume his training in a way that could be considered productive. He admired the obliterated pieces of scrap metal that were once part of a medical droid, scattered across the floor in the aftermath of another tantrum.

“I’m well aware this is not the care you’ve grown used to but it is all I can provide for you at the moment.” Hux noticed the commander flinch slightly, his jaw bulging as he clenched his teeth.

“Leave.” The General stood his ground, pulling his hands into fists in an attempt to stifle the fear he felt whenever he was alone with the commander. His stubborn nature made his gut instinct feel ridiculous and misplaced but he couldn’t ignore how much the man terrified him, his very blood ran cold whenever he had the misfortune of having a conversation with him.

“The Supreme Leader has requested I ensure you recover swiftly so unfortunately I can’t leave you here to rot.” That remark earned a scathing glare from the commander, his body looked worn and weak but his eyes were still fierce.

“Yet another thing you’ve proven to be incompetent at, General.” Hux fought hard to contain his initial outburst and decided instead to press the issue at hand,  
seeing as the commander was so eager to discuss the subject. 

“I did my job perfectly; I sourced the best medical team from within the First Order and had them charged with your care. You are the one who decided to make  
that nurse your plaything and halt your own recovery.” The General let his smirk show, unable to delight in the brief expression of sorrow that overwhelmed the commander.

The feeling was short lived, within seconds a familiar force was present beside the General. It was dark, all-consuming and made it feel like the air itself had been removed from the room. He felt something grip his throat, squeezing until his eyes began to bulge from his skull. He felt his face grow hot; the blood trapped beneath his skin beginning to boil. His pulse hammered away as his mouth gasped for air, desperate for some kind of relief. He wanted to clutch at his throat, scratch away the barrier that had formed there but he knew it would be a pointless endeavour. All the General could do was stare, watching as the shadows beneath the commander’s eyes grew darker. The General had always been quick to draw his anger but it was often short lived. On this occasion, he found himself worrying that the commander might not stop.

“Mention her again and I will crush your skull.” The General could barely make out the words; hissed between gritted teeth from the other side of the room but the message was clear regardless. Hux nodded his head desperately until he felt the pressure around his throat begin to dissipate. 

He scrambled to the door, surprising himself when he managed to hold himself up against the wall. He wasted no time in excusing himself, willing what little reason he had left to carry him far enough away to ensure his thoughts were his own. Unfortunately, his arrogant tone carried through to his thoughts and nothing that entered his head was a secret. A tiny smirk broke the grimace that was fixed on Kylo Ren’s face, he could always count on the General to provide him with some entertainment. He never grew tired of watching the man squirm, despite his best efforts. 

He let his head fall into his hands, closing his eyes in an attempt to quiet his mind. His master had confined him to his private quarters in an attempt to help his apprentice focus on healing his wounds. After his initial anger had subsided, the commander had actually tried to concentrate but the effort was wasted as soon as he had heard the General approaching his room. Now that he was gone, the commander wasn’t sure what to do with himself. The medical droid had been pulverised within moments of crossing the threshold of his room, he wanted nothing to do with the General or his feeble attempts at following their leader’s commands. The thought of them conversing about him behind his back was almost enough to track the General down and finish what he had started earlier.

The Sith looked at his body then, noticing already the signs of infection beginning to take hold of his wounds. His dressings were damp with sweat and appeared grossly discoloured, even in the dark of his room. He could smell something sweet beneath the familiar musk of blood and knew the wound was starting to turn, especially the one on his abdomen. He knew the sutures had split at some point but refused to ask for help. His eyes slid towards the door to his bathroom as an idea began to form, he reached out and within seconds his lightsaber flew into his hand. His fingers clung to the metal and welcomed the cold against his feverish skin. He struggled to his feet, his calf muscles trembling with the effort as he lumbered towards the door, igniting the red blade as he went.

…

The girl had walked to work with an unusual sense of urgency, a peculiar emptiness had resided in the deepest part of her chest and it had refused to shift. She had awoken from what had initially been the most blissful dream she had experienced in years, the shock of having it stolen from her brought back an awful bitterness she had almost forgotten. Anger had overwhelmed her and it drove her actions that morning, she knew something had happened. She couldn’t say what it was or why but she was determined to ask the only person she knew would have the answers.

When she found his room empty she was devastated. She let her eyes slip shut for a moment, ignoring Veera and her desperate questions. None of this made any sense, she had barely begun to make any progress with him and they decide to move him? Ridiculous, he was barely well enough to walk a couple of steps unassisted, how on earth could her reports have justified such an early discharge? So many questions flew threw her head, so fast and so intensely that the nurse had to steady herself against his door. She felt her friend clutch her arm in an attempt to reassure her but in that moment it was the last thing she needed. She wrenched her arm away, her brows creased with frustration as she met the gaze of the good doctor. 

“What on earth happened?” The nurse shook her head, sweat beginning to bead on her forehead as she struggled to contain her thoughts. Her eyes were frantic, trying to chase away her concerns with a worried glance. 

“Where is he?” Veera flicked her eyes from her friend to the room behind her and let out an almighty sigh, fatigue ageing her face significantly in a remarkably brief amount of time.

“Hux requested an early discharge, he sent a brief and quite frankly rude message moments after the Supreme Leader came and went…” Veera trailed off, her eyes changing for a moment – like an unsavoury thought passed through her head and she was afraid her eyes would give her away.

“Why was he here? What business did he have—” Veera clamped her hand down hard on the girl’s face and pushed them into the commander’s old room. It was her turn to act incredulous, her amber eyes glistening with rage.

“How stupid are you? There are eyes and ears everywhere in this place so you cannot speak against them! Are you in such a hurry to lose your head over a man you barely even know?” The doctor shook her friend with strength the nurse was surprised she possessed. She knew she was right, had absolutely no argument that would win her over. 

“I have a duty of care and I will finish what I started; he still needs my help.” Veera couldn’t help but roll her eyes at her friend’s declaration. The look in her eyes was enough to give her pause, there was an obvious fierceness that masked what she was really feeling. She was afraid for this man, afraid for a monster that was never fearful for anyone or anything else in his life, including himself. In that sobering moment, the doctor was forced to come to terms with something she wished she could change. Her friend cared for the Jedi Killer and there was nothing she could do or say that would change her mind; she had seen something in him that made her think he was worth saving. The doctor knew better.

“This will kill you; you know that?” The girl didn’t respond, couldn’t string together a sentence to reassure her friend because she knew there was nothing that could be said. The cold chill that seeped into her bones told her she was right.


	9. Corruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promise things will take a spicy turn soon.

Veera held her friend in that room for much longer than necessary, the anger and confusion had subsided and now all that was left was to decide what to do next. Their options were limited, Veera included herself in the equation because she knew the nurse would get herself in needless danger without her. So, she decided she would help when she could. Was the entire endeavour still futile in her eyes? Absolutely. 

“You have to give me something before I tell you anything else.” The doctor ran her index finger along one of the dark blotches on her friend’s bicep as she watched the nurse and her expressive eyes. 

“I’m afraid you won’t believe me if I tell you.” Veera snorted, puffing out her chest in an uncharacteristic way. 

“When you’ve lived as long as I have, nothing surprises you.” The nurse relaxed and sat back on the edge of the hospital bed, leaning against the metal frame. 

“It’s the force, it’s bringing us together somehow. I’m not sure if it’s him or if something else is behind it but… We connect. It’s hard to explain but we meet in my dreams and it’s starting to spill into real life.” The girl rubbed absently at her arm, a light blush creeping up her neck. She felt ridiculous saying things like ‘the force’ out loud, in the privacy of her own thoughts it somehow felt less absurd.

“Did he hurt you in the dream? Why were you in such a state when you arrived?” The nurse shook her head desperately, words tumbling from her mouth quickly to defend him. 

“No, this was accidental. He was trying to hold onto me when that thing appeared, it broke our connection.” The doctor was frowning, the crease between her eyebrows growing larger with each new piece of information.

“This is somehow much messier than I could have possibly imagined. I have a funny feeling I know who interrupted your little midnight rendezvous.” Veera’s expression was suddenly very grim, her lips pressed together in a tight line. 

“The Supreme Leader, it would explain why he was here last night.” A primal sense of fight or flight started to coil within the girl’s stomach, she was in no hurry to have another encounter with that foul man but she knew his path and the commander’s were directly linked. 

“Maybe this is hopeless, how can I help him if the Supreme Leader prohibits it?” Veera frowned as she retrieved her data pad, flicking through files and notifications before she settled on what she was looking for. A triumphant smile lit up her face.

“Technically, you are still his assigned care practitioner. He just isn’t receiving care within this facility.” The nurse was on her feet in an instant, scrambling around the room. 

“This room was cleaned and sterilised last night, you’ll need to search through the supply room.” The doctor moved so her friend could rush past, running down the ward at a speed she didn’t think her short legs were capable of. 

Veera followed her, reassuring the other nurses as she passed. She hoped that they would believe her cover story, already putting pieces in place that would hopefully save their asses later if anyone were to come asking questions regarding their strange behaviour. The nurse was in and out of the supply room before the doctor arrived at the door, securing her bag full of supplies. 

“Now, I need to contact General Hux to enquire about this situation so I advise you use this time wisely.” The nurse nodded, suddenly nervous for reasons the doctor was oblivious to. 

The walk over was much more tense than she anticipated, the entire way passing crew members scrutinized her clammy skin and damp hair with thinly veiled disgust. The girl tried her best to smile politely, trying to play off her bag of supplies as the cause for her appearance. Each checkpoint only made her more nervous until she arrived at the last one, situated just before the entrance to the commander’s private quarters. She figured this would be where he was staying, if not then she was completely stumped. The trooper, clad in vibrant red and carrying a weapon with a shape and colour she had never seen before, looked up from his data pad and chuckled. 

“You can’t possibly be lost; you’ve crossed too many checkpoints… Let me take a wild guess, medic?” The nurse let out a breathy giggle, surprised at how relaxed this trooper appeared to be. She nervously played with the strap of her bag, glancing at the steel door behind him.  
“I’m the commander’s nurse. He was discharged yesterday so I was told to come by and check on his wounds.” She couldn’t see the guards face but knew they weren’t convinced in the slightest. 

“Alright then, let’s see some identification.” The nurse fumbled with her lanyard and fought briefly with the pin before snatching her I.D card and practically throwing it at the guard. He caught it, a little too smoothly, and turned it over in his hand. 

“You could have just given me your lanyard, _____________.” The nurse blushed, her hand ready to receive her pass. She kept her head low, avoiding the guards helmet entirely. 

“I’m just teasing, head on through.” The guard stepped aside as the girl placed her bag onto the scanner, snatching her supplies as soon as the check was completed. She was briefly aware of the guard waving at her as she scuttled away, trying to be kind she paused to smile or wave or do literally anything when she heard someone cry out from the other side of the steel door. 

“What the fuck?” The guard was beside her and the door in an instant, thumping against the steel with armoured fists. He held his other arm out and kept the nurse away from the entrance. 

“Sir, are you alright? I need you to respond!” The commander, whose cries the girl now recognised, yelled at the guard through the door. 

“I’m fine, go back to your post!” The nurse rolled her eyes then, pressing against the guards arm. 

The girl swiped her card against the door and was pleasantly surprised when she heard the lock disengage. The steel door slid open but before the nurse could enter, the guard was hauling her out of the way. Her skin paled as she noticed the contorted ball of metal narrowly avoid her face. It slammed into the wall behind her, leaving a significant dent in the metal panel. The girl was terrified and by the way the guards arm was shaking around her, so was he. Regardless, he waved his arm across the open doorway.

“Sir, I apologise for the intrusion but a nurse from the medical wing is here and she—” The rest of the guard’s words were a garbled mess, his frantic hands struggling with the edge of his helmet. The nurse tried to help initially, searching for a release latch when the commander spoke again.

“Leave him, he’ll be fine in a moment.” She apologised before disappearing into the dark room, pressing her back against the steel door once it slid shut. She listened for the guard and let out a massive sigh when the sounds of his struggle appeared to stop. 

“You aren’t supposed to be here.” The nurse closed her eyes, remembering their last tender moment and couldn’t help but resent the cold edge to his voice. 

“I was sent to check on you, the senior medical officer was concerned after you were discharged so quickly from our care.” She took a nervous step forward, flinching when she heard the click of a light switch. The room was illumined with dim amber light from a bedside lamp and suddenly she could see who she was talking to. 

Kylo Ren was stood by the entrance to his bathroom, bracing the door frame with one arm while holding his weapon with the other. His torso had been stripped of all dressing and bandages so his wounds were open and inflamed, the nurse could smell the beginnings of infection but knew if she could already smell it then damage had already been done. His skin was covered in sweat, his hair slick against his face as he studied her from across the room. She eyed the dried blood on his stomach and couldn’t help but gasp when she noticed the damage he had done to himself. The wound on his stomach, the one she figured had to have been inflicted by some type of gun, had been seared shut. His flesh was angry and red and the resulting scar was twisted and raised in a way that didn’t have to be. The nurse couldn’t stop the tears that welled up in her eyes as she watched the man struggle to stand, his chest rising and falling quickly. 

“You would rather mutilate yourself than accept my help?” Her voice was quiet but her tone was sharp and cut him in a way he wasn’t used to. He shoved aside his initial hurt and snapped back at her, his eyes piercing in the dim room.

“This is progress, once I’m finished my wounds will no longer hold me back.” The nurse paused, trying to search his eyes for anything familiar. All she was met with was rage, dark and consuming. She felt if she looked for long enough, she could see it surrounding him. 

“All you’ve done is corrupt your wounds and exacerbate the damage. If you persist, you will die.” She hated how formal her words sounded, she was speaking to him like he was a stranger when hours ago she felt he would have died for her. 

The commander didn’t respond well to her criticism. He pushed away from the bathroom, staggering across the room until he reached the end of his bed. He braced his knees for a moment, sweat dripping from his face onto the floor. The girl heard his ragged breaths, watched his muscles tremble with every effort and she closed the distance between them without thinking. She flinched when her hands touched his skin, not only because of the strange sensation but because of how hot it felt against her fingertips. She felt his arms tense, saw his hands clench into fists as he avoided her eyes. She struggled to move him, even in his current state he was so much stronger than she was. 

“Let me help you!” The nurse yelled, gripping his shoulders and shaking when he still wouldn’t look at her. She heard something rumble then, felt the sound resonate within his chest before she realised it had come from him. 

She felt tremendous warmth envelop her waist; his arms holding her tightly as she felt his legs shake. She clutched onto him, bracing against his shoulders as his head fell against the curve of her neck. She felt his clammy skin against her own, tried to bury the fear that was coursing through her when she realised how unwell he was. She dug her fingers into his shoulders as she prepared to move him, tensing the muscles in her back and thighs. 

“Kylo, push with your legs!” His grip around her body grew tighter somehow as he complied, groaning with the effort it took as the girl pushed. It took everything she had to push him back onto the bed and more still to roll him onto his back. 

Thankfully, his bed was massive and the sheets were made of a plush material that helped move him. For a long moment, she let her body rest against his as she struggled to catch her breath. When she eventually picked her head up from his chest, she noticed his gaze. His eyes bore into her with an intensity she had never experienced before, even in their shared dreams. Something about the physical element brought an edge to their interactions and the girl wasn’t sure how to react. She felt his heart hammer away in his chest and realised then her arm was still sprawled against his chest, she scrambled to her feet and called for the guard in the hallway – hoping he had regained consciousness. 

“I need help, come quickly!” She heard the rustle of his armour before she saw his helmet peek around the door and the relief that washed through her was almost enough to distract her from the aching in her arms and legs. 

“I need a response team right away, call for the senior medical officer!” The guard nodded; his helmet slanted towards his forearm as he made the call. 

The nurse rushed to the bathroom, narrowly missing the lightsaber on the ground. She hadn’t noticed him drop it before and for some reason this new knowledge made her panic. In all the times she had seen him at ceremonies and gatherings, he had never been without it. Even in the ward, he had it holstered in his weapon belt nearby or in the bed beside him. She stared at it, her hands shaking as she considered whether or not to pick it up. She tried to shuffle away, force her muscles to comply but something about it was so enticing. She couldn’t think about anything else. Was this power? She had no idea. She reached down, her fingers stretching as every sour moment of her life flashed before her eyes. Could they have been prevented? Of course. If she had access to something like this, she could have saved so many precious to her. 

“Nurse!” Her hands were gasping it now, the cold metal kissed her skin in a way that almost hurt but didn’t quite cross that threshold. She turned it in her hand, marvelling at the overlapping metal as the end separated into three points. Her thumb grazed over the trigger, she closed her eyes and imagined the glow. 

“Nurse!” It was gone, ripped from her hands so quickly that the imperfections in the metal sliced her hands as it shot through the air. The illusion shattered as her brain registered the pain, her eyes flashed open in an instant. 

The guard from earlier was shaking her, screaming her name as he struggled to wake her from whatever had claimed her. The girl searched the room frantically, clenching her fists as she met his gaze once more. The commander was lying flat on his back, a response team already working on him. His left arm was suspended in the air, gripping his weapon. The nurse watched as it dropped against the bed, still clutching the saber. What on earth had happened? How much time had passed? She shook her head as she walked into the bathroom. She noticed the dressings on the floor then, splotches of blood splattered across the white interior. She ignored them, plunging her hands into the sink and she fought to scrub away the blood. The soap stung, reinforcing her awake state and she was thankful for it. A lingering darkness that reminded her of the Supreme Leader circled around her brain once more and she wanted desperately to be rid of it. 

“You holding up okay?” She recognised Veera’s voice immediately and could have wept, so desperate for anything familiar at this point. 

The girl studied her hands then, frowning at how bad the damage was. What felt like hundreds of small incisions decorated her small hands, the worst were on the centre of her palms as she watched the blood collect. Veera pushed her down so that she was sitting on the toilet while she worried over her hands. Veera was speaking, a gentle melody of reassuring sounds that the girl was struggling to understand. She was too busy trying to look past her friend, towards the commander. She should be the one helping him, why was she in here while he was out there? Why was she even injured? All she wanted to do was wash her hands. 

“God damn it!” Her hands tightened into fists as Veera attempted to apply a dressing, the doctor tried to pry her fingers apart as the girl watched the bandages turn red. 

“Enough! ____________, you need to come back to me!” The girl started to meet her friend’s gaze when she noticed someone new enter the room behind them. 

A tall, thin figure wrapped in luxurious fabric enveloped the room, his dark aura physically palpable as the medical staff near him struggled to hide their unease. He walked to the foot of his bed; a grumble of disgust left his twisted face before he turned his attention to the women in the bathroom. He looked through the doctor, despite her gracious greeting and professional demeanour. His eyes found the nurse, quivering in the bathroom as she held her hands awkwardly in the air. Veera watched her with terrified eyes as the nurse met his gaze head on. She watched his darkness consume everything around him until there was nothing else in the room, he smiled then noticing her eyes track the movement of something no one else could see. 

“Come along, _____________. We have much to discuss.”


End file.
